– 21 Jump Street
For those of you who don’t know, I make Snarky Cards: Brutally Honest Greeting Cards. I sell them at bars, from a box that hangs beneath my boobs. They’ll crack you the fuck up. If you wanna put some romance back in your pants, I might have the solution: I’m going to be at Hip Happening tomorrow! It’ll be open from 11-6pm at The Sellwood Masonic Lodge. I’ll have blank cards and my typewriter, so I can type up whatever creepy message will make your Valentines Day lucky. I’ll also have my old stand-by’s, so if you just want a “Fuck you and your fucking feelings” than I’ll have some on-hand.
Also: bonus, we’ll be inside a Masonic Lodge!
Who knows what they do there? It’s a mysterious club that I’ll never get into; maybe we can gather clues as to what they do in their mysterious club while we’re there! We’ll be like Encyclopedia Brown! Or Trixie Beldon! It’ll be awesome!