Word of The Day: Non-Sequitur

Today I was supposed to go hang out with Betsy and we were going to work on our Art together. She makes sexy jewelry. But we were on opposite schedules. I was up and raring to go around 5pm. And she was finishing her 9 hour day around then. The life of an artist is complex. And it’s hard to make friends with other artists. Especially when they act like grown-ups and start work before noon.

So, instead of going to Betsy’s, I’ve been painting for the last 8 hours. I wanted to do something productive, and so after I watched Obama give his press conference, I went to the store and got some cheese. I love Obama. His press conference was a little long though. If you missed it, the underlying theme was “I’m trying to save you, dumb-asses. So vote for the goddamn Economic Stimulus Bill, and we can start fixing this huge fucking mess Bush left.” He said it, like 15 different times, like, 15 different ways. I painted through the first half hour and then I started getting antsy. He explained what he wanted to do so patiently.

Bush never explained anything. Patiently or no. It made me anxious. What if he gets annoyed with us wanting him to repeat stuff and just stops explaining everything he wants to do? He clearly doesn’t have to explain it to us, he knows that, he was alive for the last 8 years. Stop making him repeat himself so much people! It really made me nervous.

sex-with-me-public-placeI think that we all know what this is about. Clearly, I’m out of weed. To take the edge off, I added another card online. I hope you enjoy it. And if any of you cute boys out there are interested in having sex in a movie theater, I’m available. All of my best friends did it in a movie theater, my senior year of high school and I never got to. I didn’t date sexually adventerous people in high school. That’s when I was really into guys who didn’t like me that much. And it’s always bugged me. Not that I used to date guys who didn’t like me. I thought that that was hilarious. I still do. No, I’d like to make up for my personal failure at having sex in a movie theater now. Or soon. Or before I turn 30. Email me, and we can figure out the details. Pictures are nice. Penis pictures are not.

2 thoughts on “Word of The Day: Non-Sequitur

  • February 10, 2009 at 8:31 am
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    i got this fabulous package of cards in the mail yesterday. i was grinning and laughing before i even opened the envelope! i noticed your website and decided to come check it out and i’ve been laughing ever since! and the word of the day is definitely non-sequitur. i was talking to a friend on the phone last night, telling him about the cards. i read him a few and he said, “i don’t get it”. i told him there was nothing to “get”, it is just funny. he then proceeded to tell me that he just doesn’t get into “non-sequitur humor”. i’ve been reevaluating my friendship with him for the past 12 hours. cause i think that is a deal breaker.

  • February 10, 2009 at 6:54 pm
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    I’m so glad that you love my cards that much!

    And I don’t know what else your friend is contributing to your life (maybe he’s brilliant in bed?), but Not Getting My Cards is usually a deal-breaker for me. So, I applaud your re-evaluation.

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