Fucking Facebook Reunion Bullshit

Ok,  I’m drunk. And it’s about 4:30 am. But I’m having the same goddamn reaction right now, that I did about 6 hours ago. Michelle C————— Facebook friended me. Or she tried to. And you know what? She was mean to me in junior high. And she didn’t want to be my friend in high school. So why the fuck does she want to be my internet friend now?

This is not the first time this has happened. And it’s starting to piss me off. I’m tired of people who didn’t like me, trying to be friends with me on Facebook. Look, sometimes I write some personal shit there, for all the world to see. So being my friend, is not something I take lightly. And most of the people I graduated with, acted like I was the whore of Babylon, and they were the kids on the Fast Tracks to Somewhere. And look, I don’t begrudge them their Somewhere’s. In high school (much like my 20′s) I spent way too much time chasing dick and drinking to accomplish much. So they had their fast-tracks to Somewhere’s. And I had my own little award ceremony for the 50th guy I slept with. I had my own priorities. Which I thought were hilarious, and important. I don’t mind you looking down at me or whatever.

But I don’t necesarily want to be friends with you, unless you are sure that you actually like me, and you can explain why you treated me badly. I don’t care if it was ten years ago or ten minutes ago. Don’t act like you didn’t threaten to kick my ass (for no reason) in junior high and then studiously ignore me in high school. All of which is OK with me. I was busy in high school. I had a lot of drama, a lot of friends, and a lot of boyfriends going on. I didn’t need your friendship or acknowledgement.

But why befriend me now, when you didn’t want to befriend me then? We have less in common now, than we did then. We live in different states, we’ve probably led drastically different sex lives, we probably don’t vote the same, and I don’t think that you prefer Pop Mystery Fiction with a Feminist Twist. I also don’t think that you like Mellissa Ferrick, or other Popular Lesbian Folk Songsters. You and I had more in common when you didn’t want to talk to me, than we do now.

SO WHAT COULD POSSIBLY POSESS YOU? Why do you want to be my friend? Did you see me on the Santa Clara High School List? Did you want to add me because Christine Epress did? Do you really need more friends? is that what this is about?

Or, have you grown, as person, since 1991? Have you realized that bullying me was wrong? Did you want to apoligize in high school, but not know how? Because I’m pretty sure that sounds like bullshit. And I can’t really imagine what possessed you to email someone you’d been mean to on purpose, for your own amusement, and asked them to be your “friend” even if it was on the internet.

So, I emailed you this:

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