Fucking Facebook Reunion Bullshit

Ok,  I’m drunk. And it’s about 4:30 am. But I’m having the same goddamn reaction right now, that I did about 6 hours ago. Michelle C————— Facebook friended me. Or she tried to. And you know what? She was mean to me in junior high. And she didn’t want to be my friend in high school. So why the fuck does she want to be my internet friend now?

This is not the first time this has happened. And it’s starting to piss me off. I’m tired of people who didn’t like me, trying to be friends with me on Facebook. Look, sometimes I write some personal shit there, for all the world to see. So being my friend, is not something I take lightly. And most of the people I graduated with, acted like I was the whore of Babylon, and they were the kids on the Fast Tracks to Somewhere. And look, I don’t begrudge them their Somewhere’s. In high school (much like my 20’s) I spent way too much time chasing dick and drinking to accomplish much. So they had their fast-tracks to Somewhere’s. And I had my own little award ceremony for the 50th guy I slept with. I had my own priorities. Which I thought were hilarious, and important. I don’t mind you looking down at me or whatever.

But I don’t necesarily want to be friends with you, unless you are sure that you actually like me, and you can explain why you treated me badly. I don’t care if it was ten years ago or ten minutes ago. Don’t act like you didn’t threaten to kick my ass (for no reason) in junior high and then studiously ignore me in high school. All of which is OK with me. I was busy in high school. I had a lot of drama, a lot of friends, and a lot of boyfriends going on. I didn’t need your friendship or acknowledgement.

But why befriend me now, when you didn’t want to befriend me then? We have less in common now, than we did then. We live in different states, we’ve probably led drastically different sex lives, we probably don’t vote the same, and I don’t think that you prefer Pop Mystery Fiction with a Feminist Twist. I also don’t think that you like Mellissa Ferrick, or other Popular Lesbian Folk Songsters. You and I had more in common when you didn’t want to talk to me, than we do now.

SO WHAT COULD POSSIBLY POSESS YOU? Why do you want to be my friend? Did you see me on the Santa Clara High School List? Did you want to add me because Christine Epress did? Do you really need more friends? is that what this is about?

Or, have you grown, as person, since 1991? Have you realized that bullying me was wrong? Did you want to apoligize in high school, but not know how? Because I’m pretty sure that sounds like bullshit. And I can’t really imagine what possessed you to email someone you’d been mean to on purpose, for your own amusement, and asked them to be your “friend” even if it was on the internet.

So, I emailed you this:

Look, I know that Facebook is like, the place to catch up with your old high school friends. And even some so-so acquaintances. But, seriously? You and me? Really?

You couldn’t even front that you liked me in high school, when EVERYONE liked me. And you threatened to kick my ass in junior high. I get that everyone wants to make nice now that we’re all grown up, but this is silly. You never liked me. You threatened me.

What could possibly make you want to befriend me -even on the internet- now? Peer pressure? Because you weren’t really into that in high school.

This just seems a little ridiculous. I mean, I get the other kids wanting to be my friend, now that we’re old. But you straight up fucking hated me for no reason. And you scared the shit out of me. I’m just not sure why I’m getting a friend request from you.

Sincerely,
Alisa Starr

Let that be a lesson to all of you fuckers. If you were a dick to me before, I’m gonna ask you some questions, before I let you to be my friend again. Because the Fake Internet Friendship still counts. And I’m not into this whole “we went to high school together let’s be friends” bullshit. If we liked each other and meant to be friends, cool, but if we have shit that went down between us, I’m gonna call you fuckers out. So be ready to say what your problem was, and have a plausible reason for wanting to be my friend in the casual, but present, tense.
And for the record, Kathy D, yes “You used to scare me, but now I’ve been out in the world, and that scares me a lot more than you do” counts as a good reason for being a dick to me in high school, and being ok with me now. I don’t need a good reason, I just need an explanation, so I can justify our friendship to my self-esteem.

4 thoughts on “Fucking Facebook Reunion Bullshit

  • June 28, 2009 at 6:45 pm
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    Pizzactly. My rule is, if I was such great friends with you in high school, I’m still your friend now, and everyone else is wasting my time.

    Gaaah.

  • June 10, 2010 at 8:30 am
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    hehe okay so here’s exactly how ridiculous I am, halfway through looking through your post I accidentally dropped my mouse and closed the firefox in error and I couldn’t find your webpage once again until 6 days afterwards to finish reading through from the point i stopped at due to the fact I did not remember how I linked to your site to begin with lol in any case it was worth the hold out..thanks 🙂

  • July 6, 2010 at 2:27 am
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    Thanks for saying I was worth the wait! I’ve had those totally stones moments on the computer too. I get it. I’m glad you found me again though!

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