The Bexter: adorable, funny and lately luck in love

In 1996 I took Rebecca to the Prom. Don't we look hot?
In 1996 I took Rebecca to the Prom. Don't we look hot?

About a year ago, I was in San Francisco, hanging out with my ex-fake-husband, Steve, and The Bexter. The three of us were watching Steve’s car get washed, because old friends can do boring shit together and it’ll still turn out fun. I was showing off my newest Snarky Cards, and Steve was intermittently laughing and nodding, and The Bexter was wrinkling her nose. After the car was almost all the way through the magical machine, I got annoyed. “You don’t like my cards?” I demanded. “Well, they’re mean.” She said. “I can’t believe people actually give them to each other. I would never seriously give one of those to someone else.” I was astounded, and a little pissed off. Steve stayed out of it, trying to make neutral comments for the rest of the afternoon. We bickered about it for over an hour, and since then it’s been a (small) point of contention between The Bexter and I. And, that’s OK. We’ve been friends for 16 years, we can argue one point for a year or two, until one of us gives in. And look! The Bexter gave in! She just sent me this story for your perusal.

Isn't she gorgeous? I love that my friends are so hot.
Isn't she gorgeous? I love that my friends are so hot.

So I met this dude on the internet, like you do, because it’s 2009. During the course of our email bantering, this young suitor mentioned that he liked to drink a fair amount, and also that his bicycle had been stolen. When the time came for us to meet in person, a flash of inspiration struck! I took the snarky card off my bulletin board that said “Dear___, I’m sorry I stole your bike. You were drunk. And I had to get away from you.” It was perfect! I wrote in our names and tucked it into my purse. When I met him at the bar, I told him I had a first date present for him, but warned him “You are either going to think this is funny, and think I am the most hilarious chick ever, or else you aren’t going to think it’s funny, in which case it will be awkward.”

Here's the magical bike card that got The Bexter some dating!
Here's the magical bike card that got The Bexter some dating!

Then I handed him the card. He thought it was funny, and we have been dating every since. Thanks Alisa Starr, for making my awkward internet date a little more bearable!

True story.


Isn’t that awesome? I made something rad happen in her Vagina. And I can make something rad happen in yours too!

3 thoughts on “The Bexter: adorable, funny and lately luck in love

  • June 2, 2009 at 12:39 pm

    NO! You totally got that all wrong!
    I have always said that SOME of your cards are too mean to use in real life. Some of them are funny. I buy/steal the ones I think are funny, and ignore the ones I think are mean, and let you rake in the profit from all your fellow mean-spirited people who like that sort of thing.

    And you make it sound like I have been totally hating on Snarky Cards for years, which is not true- I have laughed at them and have been supportive of the whole thing! Don’t make me look like such a hater!

    Also, I object to you taking so much credit for my getting laid! I did all the work! Your card was merely a handy prop! I don’t think the dude did it with me because of the card. Your card, while lovely and clever and snarky, was an afterthought.

    I just realized that this comment makes it sound like I am pissed off, and a total spazz. Which I’m not. Okay, maybe the total spazz part, but not the pissed off part. It’s just not the way I would have told the story. And I thought all the exclamation points made it funnier.


  • June 2, 2009 at 3:08 pm

    it was totes the card.


  • June 2, 2009 at 10:04 pm

    Damn you both!
    Why is no one giving any credit to my inherent and awesome powers of seduction?

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