May all your wet dreams come true!
While I have recently found a deep and abiding comitment to Vagina Spiders -which is to say that I’ve decided to not have sex for so long that my Vagina dries up, and spiders move in and build cobwebs there- I understand that not all of you have had ENOUGH! Like me.
And really, I’ve had sex with, like, 83 people. It’s like I’ve been doing a marathon, and no-ones fucking chasing me. So my poor Vagina deserves a break. So don’t feel badly for me, or her. Just enjoy the fruit of our endeavors, and I will keep making these breathtakingly horrifying cards for you from the dredges of my experience.
What was I saying? Oh yeah, I get that my comitment to Vagina Spiders is newfound, and singular. And I want all of you to be having sex. Not just sex, but Great Sex! So I give you: The Great Finger-bang!
I hope you enjoy it! And for anyone who wants a custom Snarky Card tomorrow, I’ll be at First Thursday, at NorthWest LoveJoy and 17th Avenue from 4pm until 9pm. I hope you get laid!
Dude, I am such an old lady. I actually thought about commenting “Using terms like ‘finger bang’ is so unbecoming.”
“Unbecoming”? Am I fucking Marilla Cuthbert or what? WTF?
I just lost my shit because you compared yourself to Marilla Cuthbert. I mean, if you’re going to be a Victorian Prude, at least you’re one who doesn’t take shit off of anyone. Even an ORPHAN!