Fuck You Bird Flu!

This is me, slaving away at my typewriter (Bob) making custom cards at a show!
This is me, slaving away at my typewriter (Bob).

For those of you who don’t know, my name is Alisa Starr, and I make Snarky Cards: Brutally Honest Greeting Cards. I sell them in bars from a box that hangs beneath my boobs. They will crack you the fuck up. But I haven’t been going to any bars in the last week. I haven’t been going anywhere the last week, because I’ve been slowly dying from Bird Flu. I know all the cool kids have swine flu right now, but I’m old school. And besides, birds are creepier, and I believe that they could do this to me. When I think of pigs I either go to Wilbur or the parable of the man who threw pearls at swine.

Or maybe he was supposed to throw pearls at swine and then Jesus stopped him? Or maybe he wasn’t real, he was just a story Jesus told about how you shouldn’t throw pearls at swine? Anyway, those three elements were in some sort of Sunday school lesson that I didn’t learn: Jesus, pearls and swine. The SwineI think if I ever knew the story, I got distracted because I didn’t want the pigs to choke on the pearls. That was, clearly, when I was  a little girl, and hadn’t seen Deadwood yet, and didn’t realize that pigs can eat people’s bones, effectively covering up a murder. I’m not saying that I wish I’d seen Deadwood as a little girl, but I wish I’d known that as a little girl, because I love murder mysteries, and I love plotting the perfect murder, and that information would have come in really, really handy, when I was, like, 8.

Fuck you birds!
Fuck you birds!

Anyway, so I’ve got bird-flu. And I’ve been so convinced of my imminent death that yesterday, I started doling out the cats and my Janis Ian CD’s to my more responsible friends. So, I haven’t been selling my wares in bars, or really, anywhere. I’ve been too busy trying to breathe without hacking up my lungs, and my wild and crazy moments were mostly about me eating cheese. Which I know I shouldn’t do, but I had it in my refrigerator, and I was hungry, and I love cheese, and it didn’t make me cough so hard I wanted to die for too long.

This way to The Donation Button! PS: My tattoo says "The mistakes are all lessons".
This way to The Donation Button! PS: My tattoo says "The mistakes are all lessons".

Speaking of which: food. As some of you might have heard, Arlette, my favorite computer goddess, added a donation button to my website. It’s on your right side. And if you love reading my blog, or looking at my cards, kicking me a few bucks can help me keep on, keeping on. Thanks to Aunt Julie and Barbara! I got to eat the last few days. See, if I don’t go out and work every day, I don’t have money to buy luxuries like food. And since I couldn’t leave the house, those donations saved my life. So, if you like reading the shit I write, please hit the donation button. I’ll be thanking everyone who donates in my blog, and letting you know what I did with the money.

In the next month, in addition to food, I’d like to buy a scanner, so I can get my newest cards online to you. And some blank canvasses so that I can start making more Snarky Paintings! I’d also like to give my cats some worm medicine. Yes, you can help important things happen in in my cats asses!

I liked you better when you were drunkIn Conclusion: here is the latest Snarky Card, online, for your pleasure. I hope you enjoy, and it helps you confront a friend about her addiction to her baby, which has wrongfully replaced her addiction to alcohol.

14 thoughts on “Fuck You Bird Flu!

  • March 2, 2010 at 5:30 pm
    Permalink

    Wow, how wonderful to just run into this on FB – really inspiring and a lot to think about while just getting things done today Thanks for putting this out there !

  • March 11, 2010 at 2:24 pm
    Permalink

    Nicely done guys! I’m going to blog about this and link here if you don’t mind 🙂

  • May 31, 2010 at 9:29 pm
    Permalink

    This is a great blog post and I absolutely go with what you have said here. I have already subscribed to your RSS feed in Firefox and would love to be a regular visitor to your upcoming blogs. Thanks for your time in writing the post.

  • June 4, 2010 at 1:06 am
    Permalink

    Its too bad people are not able subscribe to get more updates from your blog, think about setting up a subscription application

  • June 8, 2010 at 10:02 am
    Permalink

    Howdy, i read your blog occasionally and i own a similar one and i was just wondering if you get a lot of spam comments? If so how do you prevent it, any plugin or anything you can advise? I get so much lately it’s driving me mad so any assistance is very much appreciated.

  • June 8, 2010 at 5:20 pm
    Permalink

    Actually, WordPress is really good at sorting my spam comments from my real comments. I heart WordPress!

  • June 9, 2010 at 9:41 pm
    Permalink

    This is a great blog post and I absolutely go with what you have said here. I have already subscribed to your RSS feed in Firefox and would love to be a regular visitor to your upcoming blogs. Thanks for your time in writing the post.

  • June 11, 2010 at 7:48 pm
    Permalink

    great article, i just bookmarked it to read later. i’d like to check on future articles. how can i set up the rss reader again? thanks so much!

  • July 5, 2010 at 10:40 pm
    Permalink

    I liked this and other blog posts on your blog so much that I have subscribed to the blog’s RSS feed. Keep the good work going by posting informative posts. Thank you.

  • July 6, 2010 at 2:26 am
    Permalink

    I’m pretty sure you just go to the bottom of the page where it says entries (RSS) and click on it. And then it’ll ask you how you wanna subscribe.
    Thanks for digging my shit!

  • July 26, 2010 at 3:00 am
    Permalink

    I have been just studying your site it is quite well crafted, I am looking around through the internet searching for just how to begin this weblog thing and your website definitely is very high quality.

  • October 7, 2010 at 2:10 pm
    Permalink

    Post bookmarked and shared on facebook, I’ll post my feedback on my site asap

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *