Serial Killed by a Stranger

They want to find a serial killer near you!

Dear Internets,

Last night I was up until 8am painting Snarky Cards. I love painting for hours and hours. But that meant that I watched 6 hours of Criminal Minds in a row (I only ever paint with television. Life is harder without television). And I realized something. All of the serial killers are within my dating age range. Some of them are my age.

So, in all probability, I’m going to sleep with a serial killer someday. If I haven’t already. I hope I already have. I have a ten year ceiling on my dating range. I’ll break the rule, if you’re a hot 41 year old, but for the most part, I just say no to dudes older than 40. But, when I’m, say 35, I’ll definitely be dating guys up to 45. And if I date a serial killer then,  he’ll be totally past killing prostitutes, and moving into killing regular people.

And I don’t want to get serial killed. But I especially don’t want to get serial killed by someone I’ve slept with. That would be, like, way worse than getting serial killed by a stranger. Because then I would have to blame my death on my Vagina. And my Mom would be right about me.



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