The Schedule

Dear Internets,

My name is Alisa Starr. I make Snarky Cards: Brutally Honest Greeting Cards. They will crack you the fuck up. I sell them in bars, from a box that hangs around my boobs. And I have them in 35 different stores around Portland, OR and in other fine cities.

I think I feel like I’m on an even keel, for the first time since I started Snarky Cards, 3 years ago. This Christmas was slammin. It seemed like everyday I got a call from a store or a person who was wondering where

This is how I felt for the last 2 months. I'm the lady being stretched out.

their cards were. I couldn’t get enough cards to my stores. I couldn’t make enough cards to make sure that every store got Christmas Cards. And while I loooove having my cards in stores, my wholesale pricing means that I don’t make enough money just selling them to stores to get by. I need to go out and sell them in bars also. So, I spent about 6 weeks, from Thanksgiving to Christmas painting my ass off, trying to sell my ass off. And every time I turned around, there was more to do, and not enough of me to get it done. It was exciting to have everybody want my shit. And overwhelming. It was kind of like being stretched out on the rack. I was sick for the entire month of December, and most of November. And I didn’t know how I would make it through.

But I did. January, so far, has been kind of awesome. I’m still collecting money for my Christmas sales, and this month my bills have all been paid on time. And I’ve got time to breathe, and plan. My most awesome thing (besides the nifty bills-paid thing, which is shiny and new) that I’m doing this year is called a schedule. Since I started the cards, I’ve mostly been reacting. People asked for Christmas cards, so I thought some up. My stores needed display boxes, so I created them, People asked me to make displays, or do craft shows, so I figured that out. People wanted me to be able to take credit cards, so I got a machine. This year, I feel like I know how to do every kind of thing I need to know how to do in order to sell Snarky Cards well. I feel like I can start planning, and preparing for the next thing, instead of just reacting when it comes up. Therefore, the schedule.

I think I can make enough money, and cards if I spend Monday through Wednesday painting and typing, and handling my office work. And then I can spend Thursday through Sunday selling my cards in bars. I have never been able to do that in part because selling my cards in bars takes a lot out of me, and I haven’t been able to make myself do it 2 days in a row. Say nothing of 3 days in a row. But I think if I ease off the booze (less whiskey, more weed and water while I’m working), and start having a little faith, rather than making myself crazy  believing that I’ll fail, and then trying to build myself back up into The Super Awesome Snarky Card Chick so I can go out and sell, I’ll be able to do it.

That’s the other thing, from now on I’m just going to believe that my system works. Which it does- but it’s insane. I mean, what kind of asshole tries to make a living selling their own art? My parents didn’t raise me to believe that I could do whatever I wanted with my life. They raised me to believe that I could maybe look forward to a life as an executive’s assistant, if I worked very, very hard. And if I was very, very lucky, a nice man would pity me, and marry me despite my mouth, and I wouldn’t starve, or get into too much trouble. Because the man would save me from my own personality. And looks.

So the idea that I can make my living off of my art flies in the face of my childhood beliefs. The idea that I could use my sexuality, or my looks to help sell that art also defies everything my Mother ever taught me too. And I think while I’ve been building Snarky Cards, I’ve still subjected myself to those beliefs in my head.

So, I’m banishing yet another piece of my childhood from my head because it makes my life harder. And I’m just going to try the schedule, and I’m just going to believe that I can make it work. Because so far, I have made it work.

Soon, I’ll have a new pair of undies to grace you with, and I’m cooking up some Snarky Posters for you too.

Thanks for listening to my boring list of chores, Internets. I promise, news about my Vagina is on it’s way!


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.