Pantslock Rocks!

This is me, making Snarky Cards. Not Glamorous, I know. but painting is messy.Yes, I'm smoking a joint.

Dear Internets,

As some of you know, My name is Alisa Starr. And I make Snarky Cards: Brutally Honest Greeting Cards. I sell them in bars from a box that hangs beneath my boobs. They will crack you the fuck up.

Here are my boobs to make up for my messy painting picture.

Lately, I’ve been losing myself in my work. I’m learning how to paint new shit. I’m selling like crazy. I’m getting more internet sales. It’s been liberating. Part of that, is because Arlette came to pull me out of the depths of my recent despair.

Arlette is one of a few of The Bad-Ass Bitches. The other girls in this crew are Claire and KT. I keep trying to unite the bitches, and they keep resisting. “What if we’re all in a car accident together?” Rebecca argued reasonably when I complained about her reluctance to enact a scene from my own private Justice League movie. Each of The Bitches has their own unique super-powers. However, all the bitches are hilarious.

This is just one of the gems on pantslock.com

Arlette is really good at making fun of other people. She has other skills. But her ability to call other people on being dicks, even very subtle-y, has always been one of the things I treasure most about her. Recently, Arlette has started a website called Pantslock. It’s a website devoted to REAL introductory emails sent from men on dating sites. I like to think that I helped inspire it. In the early days of my sluttery, I placed a lot of Craigslist ads. I remember printing out some of the creepier and more insane responses to bring to her house, so that we could read them to each other over whiskey.  Sometimes I would get a novel of gibberish. And sometimes I would get insults. And sometimes I would get “Hey! Like yer ad! U wanna hook up?” And then there were unsolicited dick pics. Some of which I kept.

Either way, Arlette has created a nice place on The Internets to submit weird-ass shit that men send you when they see your profile, and want to sleep with you. It’s hilarious. And updated often. And you should totally make it your home-page. I’ve made it mine.

Lately, I’ve been swimming a lot. And I’ve been selling a lot. Meridian Gold Dust, North 45, Circa 33 and the Great Muu-Muu’s have been my hooking grounds. I’ve been digging the Art Prostitute gig. But Seattle keeps tugging on me, and so this weekend, I’m gonna be selling my wares up there. Until then, I’ll see ya at the bar.

Love,

Alisa

One thought on “Pantslock Rocks!

  • September 2, 2011 at 8:04 pm
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    Dude. I just read like, 17 pages of Pantslock.com. It is hilariously snarky, but I kept thinking two things:
    1. Is there something about Arlette’s profiles that particularly attracts dicks and weirdos? I mean, I am no stranger to the bullshit you get sent when online dating, but I don’t remember most of it being as weird or hostile as hers.
    2. I can’t believe I met my boyfriend on the internet. After reading pantslock, it seems amazing.

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