Fuck Nice Guys!

Me and my cards, thinking fond thoughts of nice guys
Me slingin cards at The Unicorn, thinking sexy thoughts about nice guys

Dear Internets,

I used to like jerks. Well, it wasn’t so much that I liked jerks. It was like I was addicted to jerks.
Mean guys, who liked me and despised me simultaneously.
I found their contempt-crush fascinating!
And I used to go to great lengths to make these mean people happy.

Check out this awesome Valentines Day card!
There are more.
You should check ’em out.

However, now I’ve had a lot of therapy. And I have garnered quite a lot of self-esteem.
And I find nice guys totally hot now.
If a guy says something nice about feelings, or offers someone else comfort, I find myself thinking about the dirty things I want to do to him in a bathroom.
It’s, like, instant.
You say something kind to someone else, and my Lady-Boner goes up.

I hear a lot about how ladies don’t like nice guys, I mostly hear that from guys with bad boundaries, who thinks that makes them “too nice”. And, I’m sorry dude. Not knowing how to tell someone to fuck off doesn’t make you nice, it makes you helpless. And nobody wants to date a helpless man.

An actual nice guy can tell you’re upset when you call him. An actual nice guy holds your hand when you tell him about your shitty childhood, he helps your drunkest friend stand/not lose her purse at the bar, he talks to your cats and when you tell him about your Tarot Card Readings he doesn’t make fun of you for having beliefs.

And, I thought maybe I could write a card for ACTUAL nice guys, about how hot they are. Hoping that this would make me more attractive to them. This is that card. There are other, awesome Valentines Day Cards on my etsy site. I wrote a really great batch this year. I hope you like ’em!

And, if you have a nice guy, I hope you enjoy fucking his brains out!
And if you know a single nice guy, please let him know I’d like to fuck his brains out!


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