The Snarky Card App Is Here! The Snarky Card App is Here!

This is the App, on Google Play right now!

Dear Internets,

The App IS HERE! The App IS HERE!

Download it now, in Google Play for $1.99 and you get 25 Snarky Cards you can text/email/facebook to all the people in your phone!

An iPhone version should be out in 2 months!

This App means that I can finally get Snarky Cards out far and wide! Finally fulfilling the The Snarky Cards Office Motto: Helping people get fucked everywhere!

lover yer big
This is what Snarky Cards look like these days! Sexy. Hilarious. But also, kinda hard to make.

It’s the first Snarky Card Thing that I don’t have to physically make myself. Which is Awesome! I’ve made and sold 59,871 cards. And I’d like to make 100,000. But I’m running out of steam. Printing the cards has been a godsend. But I still have to type them. And sell them. And market them. And it’s a lot of work. That I can’t reasonably expect myself to do alone for another 6 years.

20130821_214652
I look pretty good, right? Very Cigarrette-Girlish. But it’s starting to feel monotonous and dead-endy.

Some of you know, I’ve been kinda down for the last few months. I just felt like Snarky Cards wasn’t going anywhere. I’ve never found a publisher or an investor. I almost had a Literary Agent this summer. But, eventually it was decided that no publisher would ever agree to make this. So, that fell through. It just seemed like a lot of my ideas ended in someone else saying “Yeah, I don’t understand why anyone would ever buy your shit. Sorry.” Which made the whole thing just seem harder.

Eternal damnation
This is one of my best sellers. I painted the beer mug just for this card. I don’t even like beer. But it still somehow symbolizes friendship to me.

I’ve had this App idea for 2 years. But finding someone who CAN make an App for you, and someone who will, for free or on Spec is hard.

And my life stretched out before me, me making the cards, and going out into the bars to sell them, going home, waking up the next day and doing it over and over again, night after night. My boobs are getting longer, from all the shaking. And the motor-boats I give. And I had visions of shaking them in people’s faces well into my 40’s and 50’s. An age where it starts to get weird when you shake your tits at 20 years olds in bars. Being an Art-Prostitute was never my long-term plan. But it seemed like all of my other long-term plans for Snarky Cards required help I’ve never found.

This is the first screen, when you download the App. It's great, right? Jason's a genius. An Art-Prostitute Saving Genius!
This is the first screen, when you download the App. It’s great, right? Jason’s a genius. An Art-Prostitute Saving Genius!

Finally! My friend Jason came along, took my App idea, and turned it into a Real Thing! Which you can now Download! And you get 25 Snarky Cards for $1.99. And I get the $1.99, as a pay-off for the work I already did! 

More than that, now you can say the fucked-up things you love saying with my cards, and you don’t need to know anyone’s address. They’re Snarky Cards. Just cheaper. And textable. Which means, in the scheme of things, more people are saying things that they mean to each other.

And I’m getting some credit for being Awesome. Which feels really good. Even though Jason deserves ALOT of that Awesome Credit.

This App is the first thing in my Snarky Arsenal that I don’t have to paint or type or package or deliver. It’s done. I just have to tell lots of people about it. And I’m good at that. In fact, I’m a fucking blabber-mouth. That’s how I got this gig in the first place!

Thank Goodness for Jason, my knight in shining code!!!!

Every download gets me closer to the lower, lower middle class, where I’ve aspired to be for so long! I’ve got some serious plans, for more cards, to add to the App. And! Shoes! I might be able to buy new shoes this winter! And take my cats to the vet! And buy food! Extra food! Which I can just keep in my freezer! My refrigerator will never be empty again!

Thank you for believing in Snarky Cards, and supporting me. Your kindness and faith got me here. Please check out the App, it’s the fruits of your labor too!
Download it now!

Love,

Alisa

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