Super Alisa!

Hi, I’m Alisa Starr. I make Snarky Cards: Brutally Honest Greeting Cards. They will crack you the fuck up.

They will help you get laid, they will help you dump your lover/mother/father/friend/dentist. They have helped thousands of people get laid, get dumped, get comforted and laugh in the last two and a half years that I’ve been selling them.

This is my typewriter, Bob. He's a Smith-Carona. Not to be racist or anything.

Every card is hand-painted and lovingly typed, on Bob; my Smith-Carona typewriter. I sell them in bars, from a box that hangs beneath my boobs. And online, on etsy, and in 31 stores across the Pacific Northwest, and also, in Brooklyn, NY.

All my life, I’ve gotten in trouble for being “too honest” (what the fuck does that even mean? You’re either honest or you’re not. It’s like being too pregnant). I started making Snarky Cards because I wanted that to stop. I wanted to be a professional writer. I wanted to be famous. I wanted my own tv show. I wanted to make people have more sex.

This card has helped countless people break-up!

I wanted to make people be more honest with each other, so that no-one would ever tell me “I can’t believe you said that!” ever again. I don’t have my own tv show (yet). But I am getting more and more famous. I hear Snarky Card stories every time I go out in Portland, San Francisco, Seattle and San Jose. They’re showing up on more and more refrigerators. They’re getting people laid, and starting difficult conversations.

This is how it started:

On July 4^th, 2007, I turned 28. I found myself listlessly looking for another sales job. I have been selling shit since I started working, at 16. And before I got a job selling things, I sold Peer Counseling, and before I sold Peer Counseling, I sold Jesus. -I grew up in a Christian Cult. Selling Jesus to the other second graders was hard, but it made my Mom love me more, when she was sure that I was doing my best for our Lord And Savior. (Jesus and I have since broken up, and are still a little wary of each other).

Ah! The life of an Art Prostitute!

So, after 20 years of selling shit, I was tired of selling shit I didn’t care about. I’d started making Snarky Cards already, and selling them in bars from a box that hangs beneath my boobs (KT’s idea). The thing is, I wasn’t getting paid yet. And I needed gas money to get to the job I didn’t care about. So I would work all day, and at night I’d go out and sell in the bars to make enough money to get my ass to work the next day. It took about 3 weeks of that shit for me to realize that I didn’t want to do anything but make and sell Snarky Cards. And besides. I was 28 fucking years old. And I wasn’t a writer yet. All I’ve wanted to be, since I was six, is a writer. And people seemed to like the cards, and they were the only solid idea I could come up with for making myself a professional writer. So I stopped showing up to the job. And I started making Brutal Honesty full-time.

Since then, I’ve sold over 21,000 Snarky Cards; between my internet sales, the 30 stores that carry my cards, and all the selling I do in bars. Here’s a pic of my Snarky Card tracker, right now. Every time I make a new batch of cards, I add them to the count.

I’m working on getting t-shirts printed of my best-selling cards. And I’m looking for a publisher to publish a collection of Snarky Cards. So, if you know somebody, who publishes books, and would like to publish a best-selling postcard book series, have them drop me a line at snarkycards (at) gmail.com.

Snarky Cards are slowly making their way into shops up and down the Pacific Northwest. And recently, they just made it to the East Coast. I am slowly taking over the world. I offer a wholesale prices, so if you own or manage a shop or bar and you want some Snarky Cards to cheer up your customers and your bottom line, leave me a comment or you can email me at snarkycards (at) gmail (dot) com and we can talk business.

Maybe you don’t like to buy stuff in person, or you’re one of those people who finds cool shit online, and then blogs about it, or sends your awesome finds to your friends, or you just like to spend company time looking at funny stuff (and porn, I know you’re looking at porn too), or maybe you don’t have a job or maybe surfing the internet fills that God-shaped hole in your heart.  All of those are good reasons for you to look at Snarky Cards online. I have written 700 Snarky Cards. And of those, about 350 of them are fucking hilarious. I only have 130 online. I’m a little behind. And I don’t have a scanner. So, if you meet me in a bar, or you stop by one of the shops that carry my cards, you’ll see the hot new stuff. But the old shit is just as funny. And it’s still a good addition to the porn I know you’re already watching.

Thanks for looking at my Art. It means a lot to me that people want to see the things that hatch in my head, and slither out of my fingers. Thanks for being one of those people.