I owe you an apology. I love you, internets, and I have neglected you. I just, you know, put it off for a long time, and then I ended up in a shame-spiral, and it got kinda out of control. I have a lot to catch you up on.

First of all, my Vagina: it’s totally happening in there now! Something has totally changed, and the boys of Portland seem to be getting their shit together. In  the last month, I’ve had 3 hot make-out sessions. And all of those guys were

1. Not Homeless!

2. Totally Into me!

3. People I had stuff in common with!

I think some of this is due to the fact that I have yet again, embraced my ass.  The Mountain (that’s what we call my it) is not for everyone. In fact, The Mountain is mostly for Black (and sometimes Hispanic) men.  I love black men, and lately, some black men have started to love me back. It’s been a really sexy month. And I’m no longer angry, and worried that my Vagina is going to cobweb over.

So I’m feeling generous. And delicious, and I have a pretty new Red Dress, which I’ll be wearing tonight, while I make custom Snarky Cards for the Cool Kids of Portland. My dress, will be made by Celeste, of Radish Underground, which is where I’ll be selling the sexiest, dirtiest Valentines Day Cards you’ve ever thought of.  So come down to Radish Underground, get your Snark on, gaggle at my boobs, and let me regale you with stories of my sexual conquests! Radish Underground:414 10th Ave, Portland, OR. Show starts at 5pm and lasts until 9. If you’re not there, you’ll have to satiate yourself by drooling over my boobs on the internet!