For those of you who don’t know: I’m Alisa Starr and I make Snarky Cards: Brutally Honest Greeting Cards.

And you can see me tomorrow at Tender Loving Empire for First Thursday! There will be bands galore! And lots of other folks will be there with delicious hand-made goods! Stop by and see me do my typewriter-rad thing!

I’ll have lots of blank cards so, bring your grudges and your secret-crushes, and I will work my magic, getting you laid, or even with the person of your choice!

Afterwards, I’ll be chilling at Virgo and Pices to see my friends Mike & Todd (formerly, and probably still known as FENBI: International Super-Stars). They fuckin’ rock, and there will probably be dancing there. So get your party on in NW Portland tomorrow!

In celebration of tomorrow’s celebration, I give you: The VD Card! It’s one of my favorites. I made it after this hot guy tried to put Herpes in my Vagina (an incident leading up to my commitment to Vagina Spiders). I got really pissed off afterwards. I mean, I was like “There’s a fucking, rule, man! You have to tell people before you mess around with them what you’ve got!” Then I realized that that rule is scary. It’s hard to say “Hey I have HPV! Wanna make-out with me?” I mean, for regular people, it’s hard enough to say “Wanna make-out with me?” and by regular people, I mean, people who are not me. We all know that I have no problem getting or asking for sex. Anyway, so I decided that if I make this card, it can serve as a post-coital warning, which is not as good as a pre-coital warning, but it’s better than nothing. And, hey, after you sleep with someone, that’s when you usually find all the bad-shit about them out anyway. Like they’re in love with their mother, or they’re about to get divorced, or their last girlfriend dumped them because they couldn’t stop lying, you know, the real shit. This is just an easy way to let someone know that you might have given them Chlamydia. I love the fact that I’m the only girl making cards that can help you trace back your VD.

Six inches of cleavage and custom Snark? Taa-Daa!

I just got an email from Delmar, today, who took pictures of me slinging my shit at The Rose Festival! It’s pretty cute, right? I look, much as I will look tomorrow, with my typewriter. The dress, the boobs, the huge smile, it will all be the same! Come take a gander, it’ll get yer dander up!