Posts Tagged ‘pregnancy’

“Without abject suffering I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.”

Wednesday, February 4th, 2009

-John Munch-

I’ve been sick. Very, very sick. Struck down by the cold that won’t die. And so I have been huddled in my house, a shivering mass of snot and achy bones. My friends have sensed my pain from afar, and have been calling to tell me news of the outside world.

K-T called last night. She was drunk. K-T only ever calls me drunk. Which is awesome, and hilarious. You never know what she’s going to say. “Aparently, My sisters is going to have a masculine child.” She announced. “What?” I was startled. “Lizzie’s knocked up?” K-T took another drag of her cigarrette. “Yup. Since September. Apparently, little Zola is going to be a boy.” I was confused. “Zola? Is that what she’s calling it?”

K-T started getting mad. “No! That’s what I’m calling it! Remember when Lizzie used to say that if she ever had a baby she’d call it Gargonzola? She thinks I’m making it up, but you remember, right?”

I remembered. And I posted this Snarky Card today, to celebrate Lizzie’s knocked up-ness. Welcome to the world, little Gargonzola. Don’t mind Aunt K-T. She’s a little wasted.
broken-water

Knocking you Up!

Wednesday, January 21st, 2009

For those of you who don’t know: I make Snarky Cards: Brutally Honest Post Cards. I sell them from a box that hangs beneath my boobs in bars. And that’s what I was doing last night, at The Ash Street Saloon and Berbati’s Pan.

Fenbi: International Superstars played at Ash Street and it fuckin’ rocked. Just like I said it would. I even danced a little. I think dancing knocked my leg a little sideways, or maybe it was that weed that that homeless guy smoked me out with after the show, but I’m pretty sure that I walked sans limp all the way to the bus stop. It was magical. All of a sudden, my legs both worked, and they moved in tandem, without complaint. I had three whiskeys and a fat blunt in me by then, but even the cold couldn’t touch me, and I was in awe of my own body, working again. I blame Fenbi, for making me wanna dance so bad.

Today, in honor of bodies in general, I posted a new Snarky Card for all you Knocked Up Bitches. I hope you like it!

I betcha thought that you needed some penis and vagina action in order to get knocked up, huh? Nope. It's not true. It's just Jaeger. You drink enough of it, and a baby magically starts growing inside of you. That's why I don't touch the stuff. I stick to whiskey, and I've been baby-free for 15 years.

I betcha thought that you needed some penis and vagina action in order to get knocked up, huh? Nope. It's not true. It's just Jaeger. You drink enough of it, and a baby magically starts growing inside of you. That's why I don't touch the stuff. I stick to whiskey, and I've been baby-free for 15 years.