Limitless Isn’t As Stupid As I Expected


limitlessWhen Bradley Cooper starred in Limitless, the movie, it never crossed my mind  to see it. I love Bradley. And I fantasize about him eating me out just as much as the next girl, but there’s plenty of Hot, Wet, American Summer on Netflix right now. I didn’t need to watch every stupid movie he makes in order to mentally accredit him with my 10-orgasm morning work-out.

Anissa had 2 strokes in 2009 which launched her awesome and amazing website: https://freeanissa.com
Anissa had 2 strokes in 2009 which launched her awesome and amazing website: https://freeanissa.com

As someone who, in the last 3 years, has

Jade Hoffman's website https://terminallysnarky.com is kick-ass. This is her stump.
Jade Hoffman’s website https://terminallysnarky.com is kick-ass. This is her stump.

had a lot of weird physical limitations come up, I also don’t want to see any smug white guys with super powers. I want to see crippled fat girls making other people feel better about themselves. Non-white, crippled, pretty-chubby girls. Saving the day and shit. Like me. Or my friend Anissa Mayhew, or Jade Hoffman. Give some Amazing Bitches a tv show. We say some compelling shit.

So, I didn’t want to watch limitless, the tv show either. But the slow winter drama startup (All of the fucking drama is starting in October!) forced my hand.

This is one of the many examples of Superman's dick-man-baby behavior.
This is one of the many examples of Superman’s dick-man-baby behavior.

Just the name annoyed me. And then there’s the premise. “Good looking white guy gets even more super powers.” I’m a little sick of good looking white guys having all the powers. A brown guy, or any-color woman having super powers? That I’d love to see. But, no, it’s basically super-man without the cape. And we all know what kind of a GIANT WHINY DICK-BAG MAN-BABY Superman turned out to be. Thanks for asking, but we don’t need two of them.

No, thank-you tv.

factory
This movie was completely haunting. I still get creeped out by it. Jenifer Carpenter is terrifyingly good.

So, I hit the start button on the CBS sneak peak reluctantly, expecting to hit the stop button almost immediately. The producers must have understood my reluctance. Which is why they threw Jennifer Carpenter into the first scene. She made Dexter bearable waaayyy after his wallowing and stupid Simon-Serial-Killer-Says plotlines made the show ridiculously hard to slog through. And I’m still haunted by that movie with the babies. Deeply, deeply haunted.

So, I stuck with it. And, while the combination of narration and self-talk is grating, the main character is an artist who isn’t making it in life, making me more immediately sympathetic to his problem. Which is mostly that nobody likes his art, and he can’t really do anything else.

As I said, his narrative AND self-talk do end up grating. But the supporting cast: ron rifkin, hill harper, blair brown and the always believable Jennifer pull you through each scene.

The intro is a little heavy-handed; it crams a lot of high drama in with the narrative. And I’ve found that you can usually have one or the other convincingly; narrate or exude deeply felt feelings. Combine them and the narration amidst drama makes both feel ridiculous. Like yelling your saddest feeling over thrash metal. Speaking of which, The music doesn’t help. It’s scored like an indie romance, instead of the thriller it purports to be.

It’s a little jumbled, for now. But Bradley Cooper promises to make an entrance. And the possibility of Bradley and Jennifer acting in a scene together proved too tantalizing.

I'd love to see these guys together again!
I’d love to see these guys together again!

Also, Bradley and Ron make for a kind of hilarious Alias reunion.

Bradley does eventually show up. His eyes are the brightest blue I’ve ever seen. And I wonder if this show is going to eventually turn out to be about vampires.

The first episode ends in Jennifer Carpenter admitting to the (clumsy, trope: surprise! The together cop-chick has) daddy issues, which make her vulnerable to the superman-loser’s particular schtick, ensnaring her forever in his bullshit. It’s fascinating to see her brilliance shine, even when the material is crap.

I might check in with this show in a few more episodes. It’s not well formed. And the premise is still lame. But the supporting cast might be able to make it less cringey.

what-about-brian-titleAnd besides, this is the first time that Bradley Cooper is producing a show. And he watched JJ Abrams on Alias for 3 years. 5 if you include his guest spots.

So, maybe this is his “What About Brian”. Maybe this is the show he learns on.

Even What About Brian had some gorgeous moments.